Corona | Coming Attractions

Just DANCE.

Gonna be OK.

Hey everyone, we have our very own Shitbreak!

So, these bathrooms are clean but awkward? What makes them awkward?

Obama will fix it.

Do you mean awkward as in you have to sit at a jaunty angle whilst you are growing a brown tail?

Mal Shot First wrote:

So, these bathrooms are clean but awkward? What makes them awkward?

I just can't get comfortable in any of them.

Who cares?

That's something you have to work out quick, man. There's nothing like deploying the SEAL team while on the clock.

Corporal_Hicks wrote:

I just can't get comfortable in any of them.

I haven't been able to get comfortable on a toilet in twelve years. I just hate it when you drop a deuce and a splash of cold water comes back up due to the impact on the water's surface. Often I just sit there, trying to anticipate when this is going to happen in order to perform a perfectly timed jump off the seat to prevent this from happening. It's tricky because you don't want to jump off too early, since you won't deposit the packet where it belongs, but since I've been doing this for some time I've gotten pretty good at it. I live in mortal fear of splashing myself with toilet water - and I'm not talking about eau de toilette either.

I miss German toilets.

Mal Shot First wrote:

I haven't been able to get comfortable on a toilet in twelve years. I just hate it when you drop a deuce and a splash of cold water comes back up due to the impact on the water's surface.

Don't be fearful Mal, you must conquer 'Neptune's Kiss' with tactical deployment of a few sheets of paper onto the surface of the water.

I cannot believe we actually have a topic devoted to this subject.

I love and at the same time am repulsed by this place :)

I swear we've had this same conversation. Or I'm just being assaulted by some shitty deju vu. But really, I think this has been discussed before on Cinescape. Weird. And lame. And Mal, add more fiber to your diet.

kah wrote:

Mal, add more fiber to your diet.

Or Guinness, whatever.

If you drop a solid object on a liquid surface from a certain distance it's going to create a splash. In fact, even liquids will create this splash. It has nothing to do with my intake of fiber.

You shouldn't be dropping pellets like a rabbit.

kah wrote:

You shouldn't be dropping pellets like a rabbit.

Dude, after 8 Guinneses I'm like a B-17 Bomber!

What, you mean your ass is full of young men with a very short life expectancy?

The image this thread suggests is truly terrifying. Hicks, unable to relax and enjoy, fidgeting and fighting it in his workplace. Belly distended as the hopelessly compacted contents of his engorged colon seek escape.

Finally surrendering and venturing to the bathroom. Unable to get comfortable, no joy in the release. Clenching the bathroom doorhandle between his teeth as he attempts to give birth to a leg-sized hunk of fecal sod without killing himself. Sweating, shaking and sobbing like a man impaled on a clay tree, before eventually squeezing out a log with the dimensions and weight of a dead gazelle in a greased sleeping bag. As he mops his brow (and backside), he smiles weakly with exhausted triumph, but still can't get comfortable.

Enjoy the image folks. See you tomorrow!

Damn you and your imagery, Dalton.

kah wrote:

You shouldn't be dropping pellets like a rabbit.

The pellets aren't a problem. They don't make a big splash. In fact, I wish it would come out in pellet form more often because that would help me be more relaxed on the toilet. No, I'm talking about a massive chunk dropping into the pool of water below my bare ass. It's especially annoying if I've already urinated (which happens fairly often because I rarely go just for Number 2), when the pool of water isn't a pool of water anymore. I don't want to be one of those wasteful fuckers who flushes seven times while taking a dump, but I can't riske pee-water splashing on my hanging scrotum.

Ol' Beau Watkins has to throw his cock and balls over a thigh or a shoulder when he sits for the dropping of a deuce. Otherwise, he's in danger of them getting caught up in the flush.

The one thing this thread DOES NOT NEED is an intervention from Beau Watkins.

Beau Watkins and I are now facebook friends.

Which begs the question:

Precisely which one of you actually IS Beau Watkins?

I only know the legend, not the man.

There's a little of Ol' Beau Watkins in all of us.

I thought that was Jakester's calling card?