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Happy Earth Day, Motherfuckers!

Posted by Quasar on Friday, April 22, 2011

Go recycle something. And Goits, stop polluting the ozone with your free gas.

Scarlet
Location:
Posts: 121
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Atrejub - It's called a joke. It's a running joke with my real life friends and so I imagine that's why it spills over here. I have a lot of neurological problems and I've had my IQ tested a lot for various reasons, mostly seeing how it's affected by my illness blah blah blah. My friends make fun of me because despite my score I tend to be an airhead quite frequently. I could just as easily joke about my superhero persona Seizure Girl who will eventually hone her neuro-electrical powers to rob banks and buy more shoes.

Maybe that would make you more comfortable, because then you can just pretend I'm dumb. 

Also, I'm protective of my intelligence, not insecure about it. Like you said, you don't know me, so you don't know that I've had to deal with this my entire life. There's kind of no point in being insecure about my body. It's never worked right and it never will. You know when people say 'At least you have your health?' That phrase has never applied to me because I never have and I never will. I've just had my brain.

Two years ago that started to go too. I doubt and certainly hope no one here knows what it's like to have 10 complex partial seizures a day. I would say it sucks but that would mean that I'd have to actually remember most of it and I really don't. But what does suck is being 30 and being told that I could go completely demented at any moment. When I was 15 I was told I'd be completely blind by the time I was 30 (thanks to modern tech, that didn't happen). I survived that news because I had my brain. I could think through anything. (Can I say that? Does saying I can think through anything offend you?) Then all of the sudden I don't just have a dysfunctional body I have a dysfunctional mind as well.

I'm used my body taking things from me. I wanted to be an archaeologist. I worked at the Smithsonian for fuck's sake but my body gave out and I had to drop out of college for a while (I did this thing my Freshman year called almost dying - that sucked) and I lost the stamina to be able to dig. So, anthropology & philosophy it was. I put it all in my mind since my body really couldn't do anything.

Oh, is Smithsonian too big of a name drop? Should I make it sound not prestigious to protect you? Because afterall, this is your sanctum and so you must be protected.

Anyway, after over a year of screwing around with meds I'm finally as normal as can be expected. Problem is no one can tell me when that's going to run out. No one knows when the day is going to come when my nervous system will stop responding to meds. Lots of people forget words, forget what they were talking about mid sentence. I never did that. I do now and everytime it happens I think - oh fuck, is this it? 

I talk about how smart I am to remind myself that power exists within me and I need to use it before I lose it, because I will. People say we never realize what we have until it's gone and usually they are referring to other people. Shouldn't we cherish our own abilities because one day they might leave us too. We shouldn't be afraid to talk about them to remind ourselves how good we are at something - we shouldn't be afraid to remind ourselves that we are an asset to this world. 

So, my need to remember what I have, while I still have it, combined with everyone's constant amusement at my ability to be absurdly stupid about basic things leads to mentions of it here.

But even after all of this Atrejub, you still don't know me in the slightest but now you do know that you've pissed me off. 

Carnivale 2.0 is back because she made a deal with Patrick while strung out on Unisom.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

neglet wrote:

"Pop up"? So scorpions get erections, then? I'm not sure how, they don't even have a penis.

The "pop up" was for the tail. Who needs a penis with a tail like that?

I can think of a few Scorpions with penises. Three come to mind off the top of my head (that's my head head): Klaus Meine, Rudolf Schenker, Matthias Jabs.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Oh, and I think Hottentotta hottentotta is probably the coolest sounding taxonomic designation I've heard.

atrejub
Location:
Posts: 739
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Scarlet,

I wasn't saying not to be smart. Please, use your intelligence! Say what you want to say! I wish more people would! How else are we going to encounter new things, like (I agree with Goiter) the very cool taxonomic designation which Neglet brought to our attentions?

I admit I didn't word my post very well. I was simply asking for a reduction in the explicit "I am smart" or "I have high intelligence" lines, because it was obvious from your other content that you are well-read and knowledgeable. I assume most of us on here have decently high intelligences, and I felt it was redundant to keep saying it.

I hope you can forgive me if I offended you.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

I forgot what I was going to say.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Fuck you, atrejub! I have had some real hardship in my life (I went through this thing between the ages of 8 and 14 called being a war refugee, so chew on that!) and the only thing I've ever known for sure is that my intelligence will get me through almost anything. You wanna know how fucking smart I am? I speak three languages fluently and I can understand five; I finished at the top of my class in high school, despite the fact that I had only lived in the U.S. for four years at the time; I double-majored in economics and German, with a minor in astronomy; I'm currently working on a Ph.D. and I'm getting paid to do it. Maybe I could also mention that I've attended the Dürer-Gymnasium for natural sciences in Nürnberg, named after the famous Northern Renaissance artist Albrecht Dürer, but I probably shouldn't name-drop in order to protect poor little atrejub's feelings.

You know me fairly well, atrejub, but you've really pissed me off this time. If I want to advertise my intelligence to everybody, I'll damn well do it, because after all the shit I've been through people deserve to know how fucking special I am.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Oh yeah: happy Earth Day, motherfuckers!

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Damn it, Mal, your war refugee past trumps my past of supposed hardship at every turn.

Before I met you, I got to brag about my tuberculosis, my gangrene, and my having been crushed into a thousand pieces by a van with a sense of smug superiority.

Before I met you, I also used to feel I could brag about the time I sustained brain damage, lost thirty IQ points, and was still testing as a high-end genius.  I used to feel I could brag about my full ride as an undergraduate on a presidential scholarship, or my fluency in two languages and understanding of four, or my having read through the entirety of a twelve-volume children's encyclopedia by the age of nine.  

Then you came along with your narrow escape from war-torn Bosnia and your staggering brilliance.  All I have on you now is my Lexulous superiority.  

You sure know how to make a Goiter feel he's done little with his life, Mal.

Thurston McQ
Location: Germany
Posts: 142
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Ditto.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

You fuckers think you had it tough. Goddamn atrejub is married to Thursty/Goiter!

SUCK ON THAT, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Thurston McQ
Location: Germany
Posts: 142
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

I feel I have honored my groveling contract with the above "Ditto."

That's the best you're going to get for cheating the system, Mal.

Thurston McQ
Location: Germany
Posts: 142
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

I'm surprised Goiter didn't bring up having been mauled by a Rottweiler, or the physical abuse, or the (admittedly tame) sexual abuse, or having been the child of seven marriages.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

James Kirk cheated the system too. He got mountains of accolades for it, including title of "only person to ever beat the test". I'm thinking Mal got robbed.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Thurston McQ
Location: Germany
Posts: 142
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

I wish Mal would pick one space captain to emulate and stick with it/him.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Thurston McQ wrote:

I'm surprised Goiter didn't bring up having been mauled by a Rottweiler, or the physical abuse, or the (admittedly tame) sexual abuse, or having been the child of seven marriages.

I also didn't bring up having to relearn to walk, or the extensive lower body nerve damage resulting from the wreck (the worst side effect of which was not knowing I'd shat my pants until the smell hit me or sitting on a hard surface was unexpectedly squishy), or being constantly mocked by classmates for walking like a penguin (one of their cruelest pranks was to get behind me, nudge me, and run away laughing as I crashed to the ground; I didn't have much balance or leg strength in those days).

I enjoy a dick-showing contest as much as the next guy, but they can get kinda tedious. We've all had our hardships and triumphs. Living through stuff doesn't make us special. It just means it's going to be a little while longer until we're dead.

My step-uncle likes to point out that there's not much prestige in his purple hearts. He got shot and he broke a bone or two. "And for this I get fucking metals?" he asks. He also stresses that he didn't go into the service out of a sense of patriotism. He was poor, he was a troublemaker, and going to Vietnam was presented to him by a judge as a way to clean his slate.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Also not mentioned is that Goits was cursed by a gypsy queen whom, disguised as a homeless beggar woman, was unable to convince Goits to part with even the smallest portion of his recently puchased lunch from Church's Chicken, even with the offer of bartered sex, so cast as means of punishment a sorcery so foul, forcing Goits to see every movie released into cinema from that moment until the final moment of existence, no matter how loathsome a particular movie seemed, or by whom that movie was directed, or with which unpleasant actor graced the screen. By means of her marriage to Goits, atrejub has inherited this same curse.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

Thurston McQ wrote:

I wish Mal would pick one space captain to emulate and stick with it/him.

Maybe Mal could be the Captain of Pain. He would still be subservient to Sting, of course, whose destiny it was to be the King of Pain.

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

I thought about asking Mal this before, but didn't, perhaps because of a misplaced sense of decorum, or maybe just because I didn't know him well, but, Mal, how do you react to the Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers song, 'Refugee'?  It often amuses me to listen to this song, and the lyric, "You don't have to live like a refugee," and imagine someone who is in fact a refugee saying, "Fuck YOU, Tom Petty!" in what I usually imagine to be a Romanian accent (probably just because I knew some Romanians at work, not because anyone from Romania is likely to be an actual refugee).

Space Tycoon
Location:
Posts: 2464
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 15 weeks ago

You'd think people would know you're being smart without you having to tell them, but people are stupid.  They can't tell a smart guy from a guy pretending to be a smart guy.

The only way people know you're smart is if you tell them.  You don't want to be smart and not have it be known.  You gotta get in there.  You gotta let 'em know what they're dealin' with.  Otherwise, they'll be hassling you to pull their fingers or invest in their Ponzi scheme.

It's not enough just to look smart.  Sure, I wear the bow tie, the Italian glasses, and the sportcoat with the elbow patches.  I keep a meerschaum pipe in the hand.  Still, I sometimes get mistaken for a Black Muslim.  

These days I make sure to say, "Smart guy comin' in!" whenever my person penetrates a new threshold.  Then I raise my hands up just so, act like I'm checking my cuff links, and say, "And I'm *not* talking about how well I'm dressed."

Which is true, because sometimes it's totally obvious I'm not even wearing cuff links.