Corona | Coming Attractions

Here's how the groundhog works. If it's springlike weather, the groundhog predicts more winter. If it's fucking freezing out, the groundhog predicts an early spring. It's that way every year.

Cheating furry fucker!

I haven't had my knob gobbled for awhile.

In awhile, I meant to write.

Stealers Wheel!

 You need another trip to Brazil Spacey!

 I don't remember the groundhog EVER seeing his shadow before this year. I also don't remember what I had for breakfast...

 I remember when the groundhog ALWAYS used to see his shadow ... Damn global warning.

Daltons chin dimple wrote:

 You need another trip to Brazil Spacey!

And how.

 I don't understand why you can't use human meteorologists like the rest of us?

Water, fire, air, and dirt--
fucking magnets...
How do they work?
And I don't wanna talk
to a scientist.
Y'all motherfuckers lying,
and getting me pissed!

God makes the weather, so it can't be predicted through human means.

God talks to his animals. He doesn't talk to his humans.

We use animal behavior to predict weather through their connection with god.

Duh!

 You know, that is so much clearer.  Now I wish I wasn't a Godless heathen.

 If you were a real godless heathen, you wouldn't have capitalized "godless."

He only capitalized to emphasize that he was specifically without the Christian god. He has pagan gods spraying out the wazoo.

 In particular the ones that like wazoo sprays!

They all like wazoo sprays.

 See.  I told them it WAS a church!

It was a church. Then it was a steeple. Then you opened it up to see all the people.

 And the spraying wazoos (good name for a band).

Their shtick could be that they perform on stage while spraying out of their wazoos.

 Getting their schtick involved would be taking it too far.